Monday, November 23, 2009

A Sense of Happiness

How gentle the wind
who tickles my bare skin
Making me laugh
and keeping my heart light
So kind is the moon
when even it is dark
Holds his radiance
and I am protected
How sweet the orchid
to let me savor his smell
such a treat to be in his presence
he kisses my nose
Such delight I take to the symphony
that plays on the finest woodwork
Majestic strings vibrate
my ears tremble
Always upon my lustful tongue
strawberry decadence
The flavor of desire
is what I live for.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Embarassment of Meridith Johnson Part 2 of 4

The following Friday morning came a lot sooner than I had expected. I was finishing getting ready for the infamous Disney Limo to come sweep me away into a land of talent and fame! Who am I kidding? I just want the vacation and big sum of money, and maybe a little something to put on a resume finally that wasn't extra work or a background person. Although, there was a Crest commercial I was the star of, which was pretty exciting. I remember all of my friends were super excited to hang out with the girl with the pearly whites while I basked in my fifteen minutes of fame. I got a couple of free drinks at bars and I got paid enough to pay for my schooling, but no great fame or fortune. So this was just another stepping stone.

The Limo arrived at 6:59 A.M. that morning, which is surprising because most of the entertainment industry is "fashionably late." The driver even got out of the car and came up to my apartment door to get me. How chivalrous.

"Hi, are you Meridith Johnson?" he asked me, although he obviously knew, he just wanted to be polite. I nodded to him. "I'm here to take you to Santa Clarita to meet up with the rest of the crew." He kept his eyes focused on mine, and it was as if he had no emotion within him; just a blank stare. I thought this was a little creepy, but I knew it was legit so I got into the Limo with all my stuff I was taking and fell asleep. Santa Clarita was only about an hour and a half away so I wanted to get as much sleep as I could. We left Anaheim at around 7:14 A.M. and arrived in Santa Clarita at 8:06 A.M.. So much for sleeping I guess.

I stepped out of the limo only to be greeted by a man wearing a blank white shirt, with scraggly gray hair and a little bit more on his face than a five o'clock shadow. "Meridith! I've been excited to meet you, love! How are you dear?" he asked me, and sounded pretty genuine. "How was the drive? Not too long I hope?"

"No, it was a fairly quick drive and I was very comfortable, thank you," I expressed to him. When I looked around, I had a different image in my head about what Santa Clarita was going to look like. I always knew it to be that cookie cutter town where everyone is an enslaved zombie and nobody has any personality at all, however, we were in the middle of a desert looking area, with a lot of rocks. "Meridith!" the man with the winded hair and scraggly beard called to me. "I never got to introduce myself. My name is Walter Ferral." I shook his hand, and the only thing that crept through my mind is that my agent, Cyndi, was being totally serious about Walt sending me a limo. What a dork I felt like. "It's very nice to meet you sir," I acknowledged. "Thank you very much for this opportunity! I'm super excited to be doing this." He just nodded and asked if I was hungry. We ordered sushi (trendy) and the whole crew ate, chatted and rested. I'm guessing they have been here a while setting up, since when I got here everything was in order. They must be exhausted.

I met a couple of people on the crew who were all very sweet and real down to Earth people. Then I met the knight.... it kind of went something like this....

"Hi, is your name Brian right?" I asked him in a friendly manner. "I'm excited to get to work with you. Everyone keeps telling me how right for the part you are..."

"But of course!" he interrupted me. I was a little taken by this. "I am the star of the show, and the star of the show needs to be the most qualified." I started to think, maybe, just maybe, he's one of those guys who just comes off pretentious but then you find out later that it was just a joke. So I stuck around and tried to talk to him. "So, I'm guessing this isn't your first role then?" I asked him politely. He began to laugh. "Ha! Of course not! I've been doing commercials since I was a toddler!" Funny, I've never seen him on television. He can't be that great.

"What are you looking at, milady?" What the fuck did he just call me? Milady? This is going to get old quick. I was staring at his shirt. It had a really interesting print with a bunch of Disney Characters. What a brown noser.

Eventually we did get to work that day. It started off okay, and while my knight in shining armor, Brian, was acting, he was a lot more down to Earth. I guess it's true about his talent. We first shot the ending scene, where we (you, me and everyone else on the Excalibur 3000) save the knight, Brian. This was a really easy scene, because most of it was filmed with CGI. We used the rocks and hills in the background to make sure it was somewhat realistic. Walt said to me earlier that Star Tours was far too fake looking and this, since we were in the 21st century, was going to be new and innovative. We had a green screen to place where the dragon was going to be, and a big dragon claw that was going to hold up Brian until we saved him in the nick of time.

Rose Bowl Parade Contest Essay

So, we have this contest at Trader Joe's every year for someone to be on the Trader Joe's float during the Rose Bowl parade and since I have taken a much bigger interest in the company, I thought maybe it would be fun if I tried to win this. We had to answer a couple of questions about random things (movie/music trivia mostly) and then we had to write an essay about why we should be selected to be on the float for this "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." Well, this is what I wrote to turn in for the actual contest:

Why should I be chosen to be on the Trader Joe's Rose Bowl float this year? I am a walking vessel of entertainment and captivating energy. Ask most of our customers at our store in Valencia and they would probably tell you how friendly I am, and how easy it is to talk to me. People target my register when they are searching for their final destination in the store for two reasons: I have a fox-like quickness with a puppy dog sweetness and a genuine interest in everyone I help. Being on a float would only bring forth all of this energy but with a magnitude on much higher scale. I am very proactive in everything I do, and am always motivated to be the best I can be. I am determined to get everything I want, and I do not give up easily. My goal for the next year is to try out for the cheer-leading squad at Cal State Northridge. I have a knack for getting people motivated with my eloquent speech and physical abilities. I possess skills for cheer-leading such as tumbling and being a source of entertainment for a float or for a crowd of people watching stunts is what I am designed for. I do not get shy in front of a group. In fact, I love being the center of attention. I crave the spotlight, which is why I want to be on the float this year. Not only would I be promoting a company that I firmly believe is doing the people of this country a service by providing low-cost high-quality specialty grocery items, but I would be promoting the company that has shown me a great deal of respect and the amount of care I receive from my management team is something I appreciate more than anything. I love working for Trader Joe's and in a way, I would like to use this as a way to pay them back for everything they have done for me.

This is the essay I had to turn in. However, I thought it might be fun to write one about my absolute feelings on why I should be selected for everyone to read and have a good chuckle:

Why should I be chosen for the Trader Joe's float for the Rose Bowl Parade this year? Well, I guess if I had to put it simply, the list of reasons why I should not be picked would be a lot quicker to write. I am a walking vessel of kindness and I am friendly... not that these actually matter for a contest. Why should I really be picked? I'm talented. And I mean talented. Who wants to watch a bunch of old people who can barely move without hurting their back? I can tumble into backflips, frontflips, any flips really. Not only am I great with my body, but my physique itself is killer. With perfect calves, a well-toned stomach and proportions which make sense, I motivate people to want to be better. I secrete sex from every oraface in my body and if that doesn't get people determined, the constant sweet boy-next-door flirty smile on my face will. My blue eyes and blond hair make for a very aesthetically pleasing view and give me a natural innocense that is very hard to see within to any darkness I may be hiding. If you want people to be thrilled and cheer for this company, might I say that I would make great face for you, Trader Joe's. Make me your poster child this year at the Rose Parade and I will not let you down. If none of this is impressive to you, then I guess you could just ask me what wouldn't I do to be on this float and I can guarantee you it is a lot shorter a list than what you might think. ;-)

This is half kidding, the only part which I am serious is the talent aspect. I am pretty badass at tumbling and I am only getting better. I hope to be good enough for cheer by May but for the most part the first essay is my true feelings. Hope you all got a laugh though. Thanks for tunin' in!

The Embarassment of Meridith Johnson Part 1 of 4

It was another hot day, in the summer of July, in Anaheim, California. The year was 2003 and I was still failing at landing any job having to do with acting. I guess you could count my job as a server at the local Fridays as an acting job, forced to smile at every stoic and prudent guest, pressured to dive into the pitfalls of petty small talk amongst people I don't know and may not ever see again, and pretending to enjoy working for the manager which I work for. Yes, Fridays may be the hardest acting job ever. Too bad the pay is weak otherwise it might not be so bad. This story has nothing to do with Fridays though. This story is about my success in getting a great job with a great company, and then complaining about it, because this is how humans behave. Bitching about everything we have, and pining for things which we don't.
This day was unlike any other day today though. My phone rang, and it wasn't my mother. I barely recognized the name on my caller ID because it had been so long since the last time she called me, but it was my agent. I flipped open the phone, watched the bats fly up into the sky, and answered the call with a confused 'hello' which one might hear in a horror movie.
"Meridith! Meridith! Guess who has some terrific news for ya girl!" she cheered to me. This meant that she had a job for me. My tail began to wag and I started to pant when I heard these words. I stayed skeptical for a moment, wondering if it would be porn or even a job at all. She may have just had terrific news about my life. I replied with a slightly eager "Hey Cyndi, what's up?" She had one of those krazy names, I know crazy is spelled with a 'c,' but I use the 'k' to describe ridiculous situations and names spelled annoyingly incorrect.
"Meridith! Girl!" she always called me girl, like we were close girlfriends. "I have a job for you!"
My eyes opened, mouth watered, and I began to get nervous. What would it be this time? A movie with Brad Pitt? A television appearance on a major network? Being cast in a play?
"Disney called me," she began. Disney! Holy shit! Disney is a big company, I wonder what they want from me. "Disney is building a new ride, similar to the one like Star Tours, and you know how there are real people on the screen when you are on the ride? Well the job is going to be the people on the screen. The ride has to do with going into a fairytale setting, where there is a princess and a knight, but the twist is that the princess has to rescue the knight when she comes across a modern flying aircraft." I stood a little dumbfounded. So it was a gender reversed ride at a theme park. Do I hang up?
"Meridith? Are you there?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm here. Sorry, yeah sounds cool," I responded after waking up from my coma. "Well what do you think hon'? You want to take it?" she asked, adding to the pressure of my decision making, cutting my time. I answered "Yes! Why not? It could be fun right?"
"That's my girl!" What's with the girl thing? "They are offering you ten-grand plus free room and board wherever they make you travel. And guess what! They are going to pick you up in a limo!" What am I six? A limo? That's not exciting. Now the ten thousand dollars sounds amazing! As well as the free hotel service! Maybe this job would be pretty decent. "Okay Cyndi, I'll take it," I decided with ease after I heard all the great benefits. "Oh awesome! Alright gorgeous, I'll have Walt send his finest limo next Friday morning at 7 A.M.." She must have been making a joke referring to how she is close with the deceased Walt Disney, or the man's name who is in charge is curiously named Walt.
After hanging up the phone, I went to go to the bathroom, and sat staring into the mirror for a few minutes, making some sexy faces, followed by funny faces, followed by happy faces, and then stopped because I realized what a basket case I was becoming these days. I was a 23 year old girl, no, woman, on her own, taking care of business, and for the rest of the day, I felt more accomplished than I ever have.