Rose Bowl Parade Contest Essay

So, we have this contest at Trader Joe's every year for someone to be on the Trader Joe's float during the Rose Bowl parade and since I have taken a much bigger interest in the company, I thought maybe it would be fun if I tried to win this. We had to answer a couple of questions about random things (movie/music trivia mostly) and then we had to write an essay about why we should be selected to be on the float for this "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." Well, this is what I wrote to turn in for the actual contest:

Why should I be chosen to be on the Trader Joe's Rose Bowl float this year? I am a walking vessel of entertainment and captivating energy. Ask most of our customers at our store in Valencia and they would probably tell you how friendly I am, and how easy it is to talk to me. People target my register when they are searching for their final destination in the store for two reasons: I have a fox-like quickness with a puppy dog sweetness and a genuine interest in everyone I help. Being on a float would only bring forth all of this energy but with a magnitude on much higher scale. I am very proactive in everything I do, and am always motivated to be the best I can be. I am determined to get everything I want, and I do not give up easily. My goal for the next year is to try out for the cheer-leading squad at Cal State Northridge. I have a knack for getting people motivated with my eloquent speech and physical abilities. I possess skills for cheer-leading such as tumbling and being a source of entertainment for a float or for a crowd of people watching stunts is what I am designed for. I do not get shy in front of a group. In fact, I love being the center of attention. I crave the spotlight, which is why I want to be on the float this year. Not only would I be promoting a company that I firmly believe is doing the people of this country a service by providing low-cost high-quality specialty grocery items, but I would be promoting the company that has shown me a great deal of respect and the amount of care I receive from my management team is something I appreciate more than anything. I love working for Trader Joe's and in a way, I would like to use this as a way to pay them back for everything they have done for me.

This is the essay I had to turn in. However, I thought it might be fun to write one about my absolute feelings on why I should be selected for everyone to read and have a good chuckle:

Why should I be chosen for the Trader Joe's float for the Rose Bowl Parade this year? Well, I guess if I had to put it simply, the list of reasons why I should not be picked would be a lot quicker to write. I am a walking vessel of kindness and I am friendly... not that these actually matter for a contest. Why should I really be picked? I'm talented. And I mean talented. Who wants to watch a bunch of old people who can barely move without hurting their back? I can tumble into backflips, frontflips, any flips really. Not only am I great with my body, but my physique itself is killer. With perfect calves, a well-toned stomach and proportions which make sense, I motivate people to want to be better. I secrete sex from every oraface in my body and if that doesn't get people determined, the constant sweet boy-next-door flirty smile on my face will. My blue eyes and blond hair make for a very aesthetically pleasing view and give me a natural innocense that is very hard to see within to any darkness I may be hiding. If you want people to be thrilled and cheer for this company, might I say that I would make great face for you, Trader Joe's. Make me your poster child this year at the Rose Parade and I will not let you down. If none of this is impressive to you, then I guess you could just ask me what wouldn't I do to be on this float and I can guarantee you it is a lot shorter a list than what you might think. ;-)

This is half kidding, the only part which I am serious is the talent aspect. I am pretty badass at tumbling and I am only getting better. I hope to be good enough for cheer by May but for the most part the first essay is my true feelings. Hope you all got a laugh though. Thanks for tunin' in!